Triggers and associations are strong reminders of the past. For people in earlyrecovery, a trigger or association can be the influencing factor which leads to a relapse. A few triggers are easier to see than others, for example, the bar you used to drink at is a blatant reminder of your drinking. Most triggers are a lot smaller but just as powerful. For example, that playlist that always played in your car while you were using or drinking might have a strong enough association to make you crave. Something as simple as getting home aftera treatmentand your house smells a certain way could bring back memories, causing a substantial craving.
Internal Triggers
Furthermore, there are also internal triggers which are harder to prepare for. Certain emotions can trigger a desire to use. If you had a certain dynamic with a family member that caused you to feel resentful which lead to you fighting and eventually using, that dynamic will possibly happen again once you are home. Being aware of your dynamics in relationships might be the difference between you acting out or making the decision to do something differently. You only need to do something different once to see that there is another way.
Preparing for Triggers
Many people underestimate the force that these triggers and associations have on someone in early recovery and just how quickly they can lead to physical relapse. Here at Cherrywood House we make a point to go through triggers in our relapse prevention workshops and in our Transitional Workshops.
The question remains, how do we deal with triggers and associations so that we can be safe when we leave treatment?
TRIGGERS & ASSOCIATIONS: HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM
For most people, the transition will be difficult as not everyone can move houses or towns. You will be confronted with the same situations, with the same people most likely causing the same feelings.
The first step to combating these dynamics is awareness, we need to be prepared for this. Surprises will pop up but the more prepared we are, the less chance of emotionally acting out there is.
Trust your internal messages. Treatment makes us aware of ourselves and of our thought processing. If you think you are at risk, you probably are. Walk away; rather apologise one day for being rude, than apologise to your family because you sold the car again during a relapse. Being true to yourself is going to be far more rewarding than conforming to what others expect of you.
Next Steps
We hope that you found these tips on Triggers and Associations helpful and encouraging. If you are struggling with an Addiction or know someone who is. Please feel free to contact us and we can help you with your next steps.
Cherrywood House is a rehabilitation centre for people suffering from substance and other addictive disorders. It is situated in the tranquil, semi-rural environments of Constantia, Cape Town, South Africa. We offer Residential Programmes, Aftercare Support Services, Outpatient Programme, Family Support Groups. For more information. Visit our Website Here.
If you want to maintain recovery and keep running strong, you need to take the same approach a mechanic would take when tuning up a car.
But what should you do in order to maintain your recovery successfully? How can you react to the little signs of risk when they appear, and prevent larger damage? How can you cope with life after getting sober? In this article, we explain what you can do to make sure you are headed in the right direction on the addiction recovery road. Then, we invite your questions and feedback in the comments section below.
Identify And Mend Signs Of Trouble Down The Recovery Road
When you are driving or are on a road trip and you don’t fix the small leaks, rattles, and squeaks when they pop up, you’re going to find yourself broken down somewhere down the road. Remember that a tiny drip becomes a drop. A drop becomes a tiny puddle, and before you know it you’ll be spewing oil everywhere and wonder what the hell happened.
Catch the small problems in your recovery when they’re small. Don’t put things off. So, what can you do to keep up a healthy addiction recovery program? How to stay on track?
REMEMBER: Diagnose, Repair, Maintain.
All this is really pretty simple.
Sustaining Your Recovery: What TO DO
Within this article you will find a 10 point recovery checklist which will be your guide to keep your recovery running strong and out of the repair shop.
Would you leave for a cross country road trip without checking your fluids, tire pressure, and lights?
I didn’t think so.
Most guys put more time and energy into maintaining their vehicles than they do maintaining their lives. Don’t do this.
Do this instead…
9 Guidelines For Addiction Recovery Maintenance
1. Make sure you are being honest with yourself and others at all times. No exceptions.
If you are not willing to be honest with yourself, there is no way you’re going to be honest with anyone else. Lying to yourself and pretending that you’re okay when you are not will put you back in the repair shop quickly and you won’t see the breakdown coming until it’s too late.
Be honest, even if it upsets others. It is not your responsibility to determine how they will react to your honesty. It’s much easier to tell the truth the first time, man up and face your consequences than it is to back track wondering what you said to who and why you said it. Quit fooling yourself and JUST BE HONEST.
2. Regularly attend support groups to keep yourself fueled.
Thinking that you could drive from Cape Town to Johannesburg on one tank of petrol is a pipe dream. Unless you’ve got a 200 gallon gas tank, it ain’t gonna happen. You know those places that sell gas? They’re everywhere. They need to be everywhere, or no one would be going anywhere.
Cars, trucks, and motorcycles need fuel to run. They need to be filled up often to keep running, and so do you. Meetings and support groups are your fuel. Fail to stop for fuel often and you’re going to stall out and be stranded.
3. Fix problems while they are small.
Don’t be the guy that neglects an oil drip, cracked radiator hose, or bald tire. Remember that an oil drip ain’t going to fix itself. It will only get worse. Don’t think that duct taping your radiator hose is going to fix it. It won’t, and it will burst eventually. Replace the thing. A bald tire can be deadly if not changed immediately. Pull the wheel off and change the tire.
If you are encountering small problems in your recovery, remember the sequence: diagnose, repair, maintain. Legal problems? Man up and face em’. Relationship, money, health, or employment issues? FACE THEM. Fix what you can with what you have. Surrender the things you can’t fix to the Master Mechanic.
4. Wash, wax, inspect, and repeat.
Most guys will spend a load of money on their car, truck, or motorcycle. They will only buy premium fuel, synthetic oils, and brand name tires. That’s all fine and dandy, but these same guys won’t spend more than a few bucks on buying healthy food, a gym membership, or going to the doctor. Take care of your body. You’ve busted your butt to get sober, so why would you skimp on the vehicle that’s going to take you through life?
Take care of your health. Honor what God has given you. Get some exercise. Stop eating garbage. Quit smoking already. Get plenty of sleep. Learn to rest and relax. Would you put used oil and fouled out spark plugs in your prized possession? I didn’t think you would, so stop treating your body like it will run forever. It won’t. Take care of it and it will take care of you.
5. Stay on your own lane.
There is a passing lane, a driving lane, and a slow lane. If you are really trying your best to live a life based in recovery, you have no business being in the fast lane. None. The fast lane is for passing, not driving. There are always those jackasses that are constantly hurrying to get somewhere that will drive in the fast lane.
THAT SHOULD NOT BE YOU.
It’s okay to pass, but remember that recovery is a long-term deal. It is the most epic adventure you will ever embark on, so get used to going slow and pacing yourself. You’re not going to get to anywhere worth going by rushing. You are not Dale Earnhardt, Mario Andretti or Evil Knievel. Slow the hell down and enjoy the ride. Remember: God’s time, not yours. You will get there, but not by rushing.
6. Realize that you can’t fix everything. Some things will break and stay broken for a while, and that’s fine.
While it’s a really good idea to fix problems while they’re still small, some things are not for you to fix. You may not have the knowledge, the right tools, or be ready to tackle repairing certain parts of your life. Don’t stress. You need to learn how to change your own oil before you can even begin learning how to overhaul an engine, so don’t take on problems that are not yours to fix in the first place.
If you’re trying to rebuild your relationships, finances, health, or employment, remember that you need to learn how to manage what’s in front of you before you are given more to manage and repair. Why don’t they just let a kid drive when they turn 16? They can’t handle it. It would be a complete shit-show.
A kid learns to drive very slowly and deliberately in driver’s education with the instructor at the helm, ready to react if junior makes a dumb move. You are still learning to drive. Chill out and enjoy the process.
7. Follow the instructions at all times.
There are auto repair manuals for a reason. Don’t think you can do things your own way and be successful. You can’t. When it comes to maintaining your recovery, you’ve got to do what the pros do (people that have been in recovery longer than you): Listen, learn, apply, and repeat.
The “instructions” to living a healthy and balanced life in recovery can be found at various support meetings and in various books that are read in these support meetings. If you think you’re slick and can cut corners, go ahead…but you must be willing to deal with whatever consequences come your way for doing a half-hearted job.
ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT. DON’T BE A SUPERHERO.
8. Expect breakdowns and detours.
I don’t care how well you’ve maintained your vehicle…THINGS STILL BREAK. Things do not always work out how they are supposed to. Plans change. Potholes are everywhere. Roads are closed, tires go flat, and rocks get spit up by 18-wheelers and chip your paint. It’s not your job to control and micro-manage every step of your journey, nor is it your job to predict everything that might go wrong.
That’s impossible.
Only one mechanic is capable of such things, and that’s the Master Mechanic. If things go wrong – and they will go wrong – adapt, reset, repair, and get back on the road. If that road is closed, ask for directions.
9. Keep a maintenance checklist. Do this daily.
You need to do this. You’ve got to keep track of what’s running well in your life, what’s starting to run a little rich or lean, hot or cold, what’s leaking and what’s not, and keep track of those things. You will not know what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed or maintained if you skip this step. Just do it.
Daily recovery maintenance checklist:
Was I 100% honest today?
Did I do my best to live in the solution, or have I been living in the problem?
Did I make good use of my time today? Why or why not?
Was I grateful for what I already have?
Did I whine or complain about things I do not have? What is this doing for me?
Am I playing well with others?
Have I been getting regular exercise?
What kind of fuel have I been putting into my body?
Have I been working to improve myself today?
Am I keeping my surroundings neat and tidy?
Am I regularly checking my motives?
Am I getting enough rest?
Am I reading something difficult every day, just for practice?
Here’s the dilemma; chemically problematic men and women don’t do well in ‘relationships’.
An extremely high percentage of people who try to get clean and sober but then repeatedly find themselves relapsing, relapse because of relationship breakdowns and the subsequently overwhelming feelings of hurt, loss, and failure. For too many people, conflict in a relationships spells the end of the relationship.
That’s one of the reasons why many counsellors advise, ‘don’t get involved in romantic relationships in early recovery’.
And whilst that makes sense the fact is, some of the key character failings within many addiction orientated people and a major contributing factor of most relationship failure is the lack of boundaries and the inability to say yes when we mean yes and no when we mean no.
So telling them to avoid romantic relationships is like telling the alcoholic not to drink anymore, it’s a good idea and everyone can see the sense in it, but it is inevitably the build up to further disappointment. Cherrywood Houseassumes and accepts that many of our struggling families and relapsing addicts, without even realizing it, would rather have a bad relationship than no relationship.
So, reaching out to those guys, I want to ask, ‘did you ever consider that you may not know how to handle conflict in a healthy way’? I want to talk to you about how to identify what you turn into when the going gets tough.
FIVE CONFLICT STYLES:
Avoiders – Have one intention, ‘staying out of conflict’. Avoiders are unassertive people-pleasers and therefore the ‘other side’ to feel as if they are right and/or that they can get anything they want from you.
The Turtles silently say; “I am not interested enough to invest in this conflict”. Long term avoidance increases inner frustrations and fosters a belief that ‘I am weak’ which then develops internal (passive) hostility
Accommodators – With the intentions of preserving relationships at all costs, they will sweep issues under the carpet and do anything not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
They areTeddy Bearsthat silently say: “We must get along and not let ‘things’ come between us”. Putting the other person’s feelings or wants above their own out of fear of being abandoned, but still develop resentment towards those they bend over backward for, as resentment towards themselves and self-pity.
Long term accommodators produce a false front of cooperation, cheerfulness, and love for other people. Accommodators always increase in self-dislike and frustrations about having to hold every one of their relationships together
Compromisers – always have the intention toaward the other side just a little bit of winning in order to manipulate them into a majority loss.
Foxes silently say: “We must all submit our personal desires and serve the common good, as long as I benefit the most”.
Long term compromising create strained relationships with very little commitment to anything and recurring relational conflicts.
Competitors – They are intent on winning in a conflict situation. The shark has the following philosophy, ‘there are only two options, winning and losing, and winning is best’.
Sharks say: “I know what’s best for everyone concerned all the time so don’t get in my way”, effectively taking control, even if it’s for the worst. Their controlling and angry nature is upsetting to many, and they often fail to admit when they are wrong in order to keep winning an argument, no matter the cost.
Long term competing styles produce ingrained hostility and half-hearted implementation of solutions and a decreased goal achievement.
Collaborators – Whether you are right or wrong, you can choose to take 85% of the responsibility for getting all parties fully involved in defining the conflict and in carrying out mutually agreeable steps for resolving the conflict.
Owl’s say “Everyone’s goal is important, let’s work together, let’s create a win-win situation” This conflict style is the most effective and results in stable conflict resolutions, and helps keep relationships stable and healthy.
All in inclusive collaboration produces trust, strong relationships, mutual enthusiasm and workable implementations of solutions.
If you see yourself in these conflict styles, try adopting a Collaborator conflict resolution style to help maintain the stability of your relationships and enforce your own dedication to staying clean and sober. With the support of strong, healthy relationships where conflicts don’t result in breakdowns and destruction, you can continue on your journey of recovery with more confidence.
Just remember never to give up or breakdown in conflict situations. Even the best relationships have conflict, they are just resolved effectively by all parties involved.
Please don’t hesitate to contact Cherrywood House or Cherrywood House on Facebookfor questions or discussions within the realm of conflicts and any other addiction or recovery issues.
For those recovering from alcohol and drug addictions, the urge to find a fix seems to be never-ending. To replace their drug of choice, the recovering addict will find other means to soothe their minds and souls. A replacement “high” that has become common among recovering people is the use of energy drinks. Energy drinks’ combination of caffeine, vitamins, and herbs can provide the kick they need, and, it’s legal and can be found at any corner store. Energy drinks can be a healthier alternative to drugs and alcohol, but what most don’t known is that the very things that make energy drinks so popular can also lead to active addiction.
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
By Mayo Clinic staff
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance — but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What is forgiveness?
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. It can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
It appears to be internationally accepted advice for addicts fresh into recovery not to get involved in emotional and romantic relationships for a period of up to two years. The reasoning behind this suggested discipline lies in the hope that as you come into recovery you will start to change as a person, so in two years’ time, if you have joined a programme of change, you will not be the same person that you are today.
It is also fair to say that, until you are at peace with the person you have become because of the addiction, and then made some necessary changes, the person you hope to be may remain a figment of your ambitions. There is also the toxic danger of wanting a relationship in order to get good feelings from an external source (using). Therefore, in simple terms, it could be relationally detrimental to invest yourself in the life of another person, especially if that other person is also in an early recovery programme.
However, whilst all that may sound like good counsel, in reality, not to be in a relationship is simply not an option. Everyone is in ‘relationship’ with everyone else to one degree or another, and where there is ‘relationship’, there is bound to be ‘conflict’.
THREE MAIN STRANDS OF CONFLICT:
1.The Intra-personal conflict – the war that rages within yourself between your Cognition (what you know to be healthy and unhealthy choices); your Spirituality (which is either destroyed or developed by what you choose to feed it); and your Emotional chaos (the culmination of shame, fear, guilt and failure due to the addiction).
2. The Inter-personal conflict – while you are rooted in your Intra-personal conflict, people back away from you because they have learned that going into any form of relationship with you comes with a high price. That’s why you now have all those failed relationships and lost friendships behind you and that haunting feeling that no one really wants you around, they just tolerate you.
3. The Systemic Conflict – also rooted in your Intra-personal conflict. This is why you have always found it really difficult to believe that you actually fit in anywhere. Therefore, if we neglect the life-controlling conditions of Intra and Inter-personal conflict, the only community within which you will feel any sense of belonging is where mind and mood-altering chemicals rule supreme, where healthy is made to look sad and unhealthy is made to look good; this is where miss-fits fit in and where unacceptable behavior is the key to acceptance – The Drug Culture.
“Welcome back to planet earth, we’ve missed you”
The concept of conflict has many and varied definitions. For the purposes localising our approach we use the following definition of conflict: “a difference in opinions or purposes that frustrates someone else’s goals or desires”.
THE MINEFIELD OF RELAPSE
In the journey from active destructive addictions and repeatedly expensive clinical treatments, to the struggles of early recovery and consistent social stability, the road is fraught with Relationship Conflict. It is the one guarantee that most programmes warn you about, and now a growing number of clinicians are actually learning to prepare you for.
At Cherrywood House Recovery Homes, the more you grow relationally, the less expensive the programme becomes financially – that way, you start the process of reconciliation and healing by showing your family how ‘things are improving’. Stop promising and show them.
An integral component of your treatment programme at The Cherrywood House will be our practical and understandable ‘Relationship Conflict Management for Early Recovery’ seminars. Our aim is to equip our clients with relationship awareness and tools for taking developmental responsibility so that they can return home with the relational ability and willingness to take 80% of the responsibility for creating a new relational normal for everyone around them.
Conflict is the energy which can both tear families apart and/or draw them closer together, depending on how it is handled. It is this dual potential within each of us to which Cherrywood House introduces clients and their loved ones.
Individual relational empowerment is the seedbed of transformation in individuals, in couples, in families and ultimately out into our societies. The addict or the alcoholic, who once sat central to everyone’s concerns and chaos, now becomes the person everyone wanted them to be.
All of a sudden, as each family member commits to the day-to-day applications of relational self-honesty, everyone becomes an autonomous and integral part of the solution.
There are five key Conflict Styles, four of which are deadly:
1. The Teddy Bear – this is the people-pleasing approach of ‘everyone must like me’ so I must deny myself to keep everyone happy – Deadly!
2.The Turtle – this is the ‘we must avoid all conflict at all costs’ mindset. These guys sit passively and wait for every storm to go away, and then every six weeks or so they explode and dredge up resentments that they have accumulated and stored within their passivity – Deadly!
3. The Fox – these are the very subtle abusers who will ‘let you win a little bit so that they can win the most’, and then when they relapse, they somehow seem to have the ability to help you to feel guilty. These guys are only ever honest in order to manipulate you – Deadly!
4.The Shark – this is the relational bully who believes that there are only two options in life – winning and losing and that winning is best. Every dispute is a competition and relational harmony is dependent upon them winning – Deadly!
WITHIN THIS DEADLY QUARTET WE HAVE A TERRIBLE TWO:
1. The Peace Fakers – they deny, get depressed, and run away from people
2. The Peace Breakers – they accuse, get aggressive, and chase people away
Wisdom is needed. The Conflict Style that works best:
5. The Owl – this is the collaborator, The Peacemaker, the one who says: ‘Okay guys, everyone’s interests are important here; let’s listen to each other and work out how to find a ‘win-win’ situation; our family and our relationships are more important than individual personal agenda – Developmental!
At Cherrywood House, our Conflict Management for Early Recovery seminars challenges each individual to examine and embrace how they have been contributing to the heartache of everyone around them by their deadly conflict styles.
It is a worldwide phenomenon that the majority of relapses back into active addiction take place because of Relationship Chaos, and basically, we believe, it all boils down to people not knowing how to disagree with each other from time to time, without one or all of them taking everything as a personal attack and therefore falling out with each other forever.
We think it may be time to stand up and fight ‘with’ what we believe, ‘alongside’ the people we love, instead of fighting ‘for’ what we think would be best, ‘against’ the people we are failing to control.
“Conflict is the energy which can both tear families apart or draw them closer together, depending on how it is handled”
If you or someone else you know is suffering from conflict in relationships, struggling with addiction or succumbing to relapse, we’re here to help. Comment below to share your conflict issues and how you’ve handled them, or contact us, we’re happy to help and listen.
Are you dependent on exercising (in an unhealthy way)?
Regular Exercise Or Compulsion?
Regular physical activity plays a crucial role in health maintenance and disease prevention. However, excessive exercise has the potential to have adverse effects on both physical and mental health. While the scholastic and empirical discussion of excessive physical activity focuses on obsessive and compulsive exercising…how can we everyday people recognize the symptoms of an addiction? And once we do, what can we do about it?
We’ve Asked The Expert In Exercise Addiction
Today, joining us is Dr. Heather A. Hausenblas, Ph.D. Heather is a physical activity and healthy aging expert, researcher, and author. Her research focuses on the psychological effects of health behaviors across the lifespan. In particular, Dr. Hausenblas examines the effects of physical activity and diet on:
adherence
body composition
body image
mood
eating behaviors
quality of life
excessive exercise
She has also applied theoretical models to examine the psychological effects of physical activity during pregnancy and postpartum and its relationship to the health of the entire family.
Today, Dr. Heather shares her knowledge in diagnosing exercise dependence. We’ll learn who’s at risk and how exercise addiction can be treated. Again, please use the section below if you have a question at the end. We will do our best to provide you with a personal and prompt answer.
Complacency sounds like this, “now that everything is better I can stop doing the things that made my life better in the first place”.
Like a person that suffers from depression, once they start taking anti-depressants they start feeling better. The depression lifts and they start thinking, well I’m not depressed anymore so do I still need to take these pills every day?
What makes no sense is it’s the pills that are helping lift the depression so why would you stop?
The same can be said for early recovery. There are certain key routines and structures in place that assist with recovery, including continued therapy with a counsellor, and engaging in new activities.
Coming out of an addiction and into a new normal happens in phases. We do not simply put the chemicals down and then find ourselves as a central figure in our perception of what normal really looks like.
We come out of the fog of war and into a therapeutic environment, but at that point we are not in recovery, we are in treatment. Recovery can only start to develop as and when we leave treatment and we start to play our part on planet earth, on life’s terms, where everyone around us can start to relax around us, without substances to support of comfort us. Too many people want what they believe to be normal from the moment they put the chemicals down and this desire for immediate gratification via the path of least resistance, usually manifests itself in some very damaging behaviours:
Waking from a fitful sleep, Sandra couldn’t believe her eyes – or her head, for that matter. She had a pounding headache and felt nauseated, but that wasn’t the worst of it. As her blurred vision began to clear, she slowly started to realize where she was. The setting was familiar, but it wasn’t her bedroom. It was the country detox centre.
Feelings of anger, depression, and self-disgust flooded her. Not again, she thought. I swore to my husband and kids six months ago that I’d never drink again. How could this have happened?
Why do people relapse? Why do people like Sandra who seem so sincere in their commitment to recovery go back to drinking and using? While the reasons people relapse are not always clear, one reason frequently stands out: they didn’t understand cross-addiction.
This article’s purpose is to help the reader understand cross-addiction in order to attain balance in recovery and avoid a possible relapse.
